My heart aches for home

No, it's not our ultimate home that I'm longing for right now. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait and look forward to it, but I believe I have a long life to live before that happens.

To be honest, I don't even feel at home in my new home. Yes, the home that I own. I don't know if it's because I haven't spent much time there yet since I move back to school the day we moved in or if I just am not feeling it as home this time around. I don't feel homesick, like I can't be away from home. Trust me, most of the time I'd rather just stay at school. I don't have to worry about the stupid lack of parking where I live. I enjoy my library and design job and getting a break from Panera. I get a lot more work done at school than I would if I was trying to at home. Working in a lab on the weekends full of people who are at the same stress level as you can be motivating and comforting. But right now, I'm struggling with putting school first. 

I miss being at home and not rushing back to school worried that I won't make it in time for something or another. I miss being able to take a nice Sunday stroll with my friends on a gorgeous day. I miss being able to go out to lunch or get coffee or hang out at my best friends house. I haven't been able to do that in an extremely long time, and now that she's back, I'm not really around. I miss family dinners throughout the week. I miss my kids SO much it's not even funny. I miss being able to do things around home, like praying with all of you ladies, I really wish I could be there physically.

I'm ok with giving up doing most of the work for the Christmas Eve service because there's no way I can do most of what I wanted to. But I still wish I could be there for most of everything. And I'm sure there's many more of a thing that I wish to be back in Bethlehem for. I know a lot of people can't stand being "stuck" in Bethlehem. That's fine, go somewhere else. Give me my Bethlehem any day and I'll be happy. 

Trust me, I know. I know that this is where I'm supposed to be right now. My advisor was even able to tell me that. I know that God has me here at this point in my life for a reason. Maybe I'll never know. Maybe it'll turn out that I'll find out soon or not until I graduate. And I've already went learned this over the summer. If you give things to God; the good, the bad and the ugly, He'll work it for His good. I'm trying to trust that and know that He knows what He's doing. He's proved that to me time and time again. I just wish a wind of motivation would come. Perseverance or something. I'm asking Him for an Ali type of revelation :-) That He would reveal to me in His timing why the heck I'm still in school. Because I want this part of my life to end and for the next chapter to start. Am I scared? HECK YES. The idea of not being a student anymore and jumping into the real world is very scary, indeed. But this is the first time in my life where the feeling to move on, start a new season, has never been so deep down to the core of my being. I feel like I'm floating but stuck, and not going or drifting anywhere. So, I guess I'm just hoping for revelation. For something big to happen. Something that gets me excited. Something that motivates me. Something that...

 

Musical Stairs

Very smart.

Sand Art

Can you say "WOW" ???

Ps. I'm so unmotivated...unfocused...just not feeling anything that has to do with school right now...I just want to be done, I've had it.

Shirin Neshat

Ok, so in my art history class, I got really inspired today. Like...really. Jan, this is mainly for you, but Shirin Neshat's work is beautiful. I really was inspired by it today. Not only does she do these photographs, but she also makes video, so of course I was attracted to her work. It made me think that maybe this is the kind of thing we should do if we can get our Christmas photo's hung up. Like, maybe we have on each picture, text that's done by hand ontop of the photo's. I was thinking, depending on what pictures we use, that say on one with Keenan in it, we have her describe the feeling of what Mary was feeling at that moment when the picture was taken. Very abstract, not literal, but makes the viewer really think about it. So, keenan could either write it herself, or I could, but it would be the same looking handwriting for each character. How do you feel about that? And really, anyone else's opinion's are greatly appreciated!

And this is how it happened.

This morning marked a historical moment in my life. I will never forget it. And I can't speak for everyone this morning, I can only share my view, how I experienced it. 

Just about 5 months ago my world was a mess. I was in an awful place and I had just got out of something that was so unhealthy and horrible. I knew that since I was probably at my lowest, I couldn't do anything but decide to go up. And so I replaced the old bad stuff, with some good new stuff.  

I basically decided to jump into a new project in dance. I hadn't danced with my girls in a very long time, and I missed it dearly. So, a few of us met and started searching for songs. The only direction we had to go with was what Grubby had been talking about since school ended for me. Favor. I'm sure we all know this by heart now..."In a season of favor, ask for favor, and the time of favor is now." It took us two or three meetings until the last song we listened to was "Rain Down" by Delirious. It clicked. It was exactly what we were looking for! Holy fire...rain down favor...I mean, it just made sense to all of us. Practices started soon after. Bekah and I mapped out and outlined what the dance would look like. I thought "Hey, what if we used sticks in this dance somewhere?" "What if we had a bunch of people worship with us at the end?"

And of course, complications will arise when you ask for a large amount of people, but we thought it would be cool, and it wouldn't hurt to ask. So, lots of planning preparation, choreography, practicing, asking people to join us, speaking to church secretaries, associate pastors, and ironing out many many details began.

This is where this starts to get cool. I can't remember them all, but God started showing me there was significance in rain. He spoke to me through it. That made me think that this dance was really important to Him. I started getting more and more excited, and felt like this was going to coincide with what we all were seeing as to be a shift in the atmosphere and really in the way old things were going to be gone. So, I decided I would have people pray over this. 

Then at practice a few weeks ago, we were working on the part where we would bring in our worshippers at the end. And as I stood there and watched, God said to me "You really think it's just cool that these people are going to worship with you at the end? Nooooooooooooo. There is MUCH significance in what I brought them here for, you have NO idea. THEY are ushering in the presence of the HS and bring in Heaven with them." And I went..."oooooooohhhhhhhhhh."

Then one of the ladies who was praying for this dance approached me one Sunday morning to pray over me and the dance and to give a vision/word she got one night while she was praying. She told me that she saw a tornado. And in that tornado were strands of DNA that were coming down from the sky in the center of this tornado. And she as like, ok God, that's cool, what does this mean? And He told her that the DNA of Heaven was going to fall that morning when we danced. 

Wow. Was that not awesome? Wait...that's right on with what God told me! Woo-hoo! This is going to be great!

Everything came together. God brought the people. He worked everything out. I could feel His presence SO strongly during rehearsal the day before, and definitely the morning of, AND when we all prayed together. We almost had to give Ali the mic to lead worship while Vickie almost fell on the floor. Thanks to Cara, who caught her cup of coffee, there was no spill :-)

And then we did it. It was like my baby. Not to say I did all of the work, we all worked so very hard and I am so appreciative to everyone who helped in any way at all. This was just something that I looked at this morning....from where I was, and to where God brought me, equals SO FAR! 

All of the hard work, dedication and love that was put into that finally happened. And it was nothing like I had ever even comprehended would happen. It was mind blowing, goosebumping, knock your socks off morning. I mean, after it was over, worship was insane. I've never experienced anything like this in my entire life. It was like Heaven came to earth. We were in the throne room. The angels were singing and worshipping with us, and the atmosphere completely shifted. I was happy. So joyous. I've never felt this way in my entire life. And I now know what the repercussions of obedience can do. It is quite simply amazing. I'm so excited to see what's to come, because I know this is just a TASTE of what's to come! I'm asking for more, every single day.

Oh, and to everyone I told that big things were gonna happen this summer/year...

TOLD YA SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (insert Winnie Banov laugh here...)

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Contrast between now and the 50's in fashion ads.

Reverse Graffiti

This is brilliant and beautiful.