Two more weeks...

until I can come home and sleep in my own bed in my own room.

until I can lay about on the Westgates couch as the breeze flows in and out of the screen door while we watch our favorite movie.

until we can take random road trips, to all sorts of beaches with all kinds of people, and I can let the ocean take control of my body.

until my best friend and I can wait for the golden hour, and go about finding new places and random objects to capture in a new way with our other best friends, our cameras.

until my skin will start to turn the color that the winter never sees.

until I have more time to delve into all of the books I've been wanting to read, outside.

until I can wait for the summer nights where there's a thunderstorm, and be comforted as I fall asleep listening to the rain on my window.

until I can really look forward to the hot summer days that can only be cooled down by walking in the creek, eating ice cream, drinking milkshakes and smoothies, or even running in skirts out on my best friends front lawn, in her land lords sprinklers, hoping they won't catch us and think we're nuts.

until I can look forward to late nights, and savor all the sun that I possibly can.

until I am done with my first year at Kutztown. 

Oh, what a summer this will be.

.Coffee, Tea, and Breakfast Sandwiches.

He stands there, waiting behind glass doors only for her.
If only he'd let the resplendent sunrise behind him shatter that protective glass away.

He greets her with embracing arms, giving her the comfort she won't find elsewhere.
Sometimes a routinely familiar face will haste away her fears, for something that's daily has become desideratum.

In those quiet hours, as the sun starts to peak through, she sees the man he's meant to become.
Behind his tired crystal eyes protrudes the longing for something else, someone else.

She wishes his eye could catch a glimpse of what she sees when she looks at him...strong, bold, courageous, caring, loving, concerned, determined.
Yet the words she chooses are too simple for this wonderfully intricate person.

She'll continue this morning occasion, continue to hope that he'll see himself in a different light.
She'll continue to pray that he'll gaze through the eyes of One who loves him not for his actions, but for the simple reason that He chose him and decided to love him.

Grass, straw hats, and lemonade.

The winter chill has settled in her bones.
No drink or aliment will warm her.
Only thoughts of future sunny days...

She pictures herself in the hammock of their back yard.
The aroma of mid-May fresh cut grass drifts by their noses as they laze in the sun with their lemonade and iced tea.
If they're not careful, the cool breeze will blow their pages past their present reading.

She dreams about the Summer, the beach, the big straw hat she doesn't yet own.
The big beach blanket that will form her shape when she invites the sun to soak in.
And the water...the water that will cool the heat, the water that will toss and turn her till she's positively tired.

She imagines a warm September evening when the sky is painting its daily masterpiece.
Both in each others arms, while basking in their own favorite stories on their porch swing.
For it's the comfort, peace and accord she waits to feel when one can lay in another's arms and enjoy them. No talking, just reading.

She enjoys the summer in the winter.
She sees it better by closing her eyes.
She waits for it, for it's in that moment that she loves the summer.

The Well Known Chapter 4

Chapter 4 has made me inspired to write and to choreograph, both of which I haven't done in a while, and writing is something I don't feel I necessarily do well, I just like to write sometimes.

I picture a girl that comes up to his knees

She's in a white dress, holding a bouquet of silk flowers, wearing a white veil...waiting...

Wanting to be told she was beautiful and worth waiting for.

I picture a girl trying to capture his attention

She's in a red sequenced leotard that has the slightest tutu with ruffles and tulle, 

twirling and spinning, leaping and longing...

Longing to be told she was graceful and lovely.

I picture a girl who hides underneath the table.

She grips the chair in fear and stays still, afraid she'll be found...

The violent yelling and use of words doesn't make her want to be sought after...she wonders what her mother had done to deserve the harsh and frightening affliction.

I picture a girl who is in her teens, who starts to believe she wasn't worth his time. 

To her, he didn't think she was worth loving. Who could believe otherwise when those three words had never been uttered from his mouth?

She has given up after this last time of pleading for his presence at her performance and failing. He went out of his way to not be there.

I picture a young lady, trying to find herself though all the negativity shoved in her face.

The unrequited intimacy became so great that she was desperate for any kind of affection.

She was driven to whatever she could get, and eventually believed that degenerate, horrid men were all that she deserved and could possibly acquire.

I picture a young women who's just walked out of the eye of the storm. 

She's a bit tattered and bruised, but she's still alive, and surprisingly still holding on.

She learned that through this storm, she was forced into the hands of her Father and He drowned her in His love. 

She was finally able to see the clouds clearing, while the Son engulfed her. 

This women has learned that all things come to pass for a reason. That her hurt could somehow comfort and relate to someone else's. That the forceful storm might have tossed and turned her, but it released her into the arms of the One that could love her the best through it all.

This book (Captivating) tells us that fallen men seem to become one of two things; either driven and violent or silent and passive. My father was all of those things. He was present verbally and sometimes physically abusive when he felt he had to be, yet he was passive and absent in every other way; he fancied the company and characters that the tv offered him that his family obviously could not provide.

Even though I know that my true Father cherishes and treasures me, I can still see that little girl...the one who wanted to see her father as her knight in shinning armor, to know that he was strong and there for her to protect her always. The biggest heartbreak this girl has known was not the recurring story in her life of the boy she loved who chose the other girl over her. No, it was the one where her father never told her she was strong, beautiful, confident and loved.

I might seem that I have it all together.

Who does?

I know my Father loves me, I know my place in Him...yet I too, still ask those questions...

Am I lovely?

Am I captivating?

Will there be a man who one day, can see past my need to please everyone? To be perfect, to be pleasant and happy and funny all time. One who can see to the very core of my soul and not run away after seeing the damage that's been done to my heart? 

I still know One who continues to relish in me, through all of my faults. 

For now and forever, that will always be enough.

Fix You

I'm not good at writing about how I'm feeling, so my thing is to find a song that relates to what I'm currently feeling, because someone knew how I'd feel and they made it into a song.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Reunion of a Friend

Today is the day....

I've waited five years for this...

The anxiety and excitement is so great I think my heart could explode...besides the fact that I cannot wait to see him today, it's really for the pure reason that my God, has decided that this could happen, after waiting and wanting it so long. He decided to dote on His daughter.