Let me explain something before I explain my little uneasiness. I know with all of my heart, that because I accepted Christ as my personal Lord and Savior, and made Him King of my life, that I am headed home after my final breath. I cannot wait for that. I'm very truly excited for that day. I'm looking forward to it. Here's the clincher.
Eternity. No end. Never ending. Forever. And ever. Amen.
When I think about the fact that after this life on earth, I will be somewhere else forever, with no end, freaks me out like nothing else. No end? NO END? There's always an end to everything. It's time. It's how we live. It's how I live. To think about the fact that I'll never ever cease or be gone when I'm "home" should excite me. AND it does! To an extent. There's no way I'd ever want to change where I'm going and for how long. I'm not going to hell, it's not an option for me. I'd much rather be in heaven forever than hell. But for some strange reason, I feel uneasy about being someplace...forEVER.
Again, this is not something I think about so often. But ever since I can remember really grasping the concept that since I'm a Christian and I live the way I do and made life long decisions, I will live in eternity with my Lord and King, the thought of eternity really freaks me out. Maybe I'm the only one. Maybe I have some sort of rare phobia that hasn't even been discovered yet. But to be completely honest...I don't like the thought of eternity. I don't like the thought of living forever and ever and ever and ever...............etc. etc.........and there being no end. I know I cannot comprehend what heaven will be like, I really have no idea. I know it'll be something that would blow my brains to shreds if I could see it as a human. And I don't know if I'm fully getting across exactly how I feel about all of this, or what it is I'm truly afraid of, or not even afraid. Just uneasy with. I don't know. I've never really been able to say it all out myself, nor have I been able to figure out why I feel the way I do. I've never really asked anyone about this, so I don't know if I'm the only one or if I'm not.
Please...do NOT misunderstand me. I'm not afraid of heaven, of going to a place SOOO much better than the one we're in right now. In all honestly, it's just the thought of eternity and time that never ends that makes me stop thinking of it all together.
So....any thoughts?
5 comments:
Hello!
Hm. I am on the SAME EXACT PAGE as you. I am also "crippled" by this thought. How could there be no end? How could it just stretch on...and on...and on...? Yikes...
It does do that dropping thing in your stomach, doesn't it? Ugh. It's crazy. I love God. And I CANNOT wait to be wrapped in His arms and just snuggle up to His heartbeat... [Will He even have a heartbeat?]
But still... Never ending? Like for-always-ever? I don't even get it. Not sure I'm ever going to try... It makes my brain ache. And my chest constrict.
I think for now, I'll just...not worry? Idk, Larualei. All I know is regardless of how terrifying it may be for my human mind to think of it now, it WILL be amazing when I finally get there. Regardless of whether I realize that or not. Whatever. Even if I don't feel it. It will be.
And that's that. Haha. No comfort I know. But that's really all I got. Sometimes you just have to drop things and let them be what they are...unchangeable. It'll happen. We'll get there. And then, it won't matter. :P
I love you. And miss you. Hope you're doing okay.
Not sure if I have an answer for you, but I'll tell you what I think of it all: I know heaven will be so so so so amazingly good and that there will be no sorrow, no pain, our bodies wont age, we wont get tired. Everything that is bad about this life will be gone. That to me is the most amazing thought. There wont even be any fear of it never ending, cause we will WANT it to go on forever and ever. Our minds can't comprehend time not ending. Kinda like our minds can't comprehend when time began (like who created God?). So for me those are questions I don't think about, I chose to trust in God's goodness and His plan. There is so much else here and now that is bad that I could dwell on, and have to let go of. Hope that helps :)..."eye has not seen and ear has not heard what God has in store for us..." (paraphrasing from the Bible).
I don't think you're afraid or uneasy. I think what's causing your feeling is that you as a human cannot possibly fathom NOT having time. I mean, think about God, and how he ALWAYS existed. That's easy to fathom. always is all-encompassing, and easy to fathom. I feel this is because always is more "all" than "infinite". Think of all the planets in our solar system. There's eight... or nine if you still feel like Pluto deserves a spot. Now think about all the planets in the universe. Obviously there's a finite number. We don't know it. imagine it's a billion. That's a lot. Does it trouble you to imagine a billion planets? Probably not.
Now imagine there were infinite planets. You think of a the largest number you can. multiply it by itself... to the power of ten... and seven quadrillion zeros after that...
There's still more planets? Does that trouble you?
Now let's go back to God, and how He was always here. God made man because He was lonely. How long was God around before He made man? How long did it take Him to get lonely? A billion years? That suggests that He was only around a billion years before man... but we know He was ALWAYS here. Does that make sense?
Not really. Humans cannot really fathom the idea of infinity. When you're dealing with something you do not understand, it's not out of the ordinary to feel uneasy about it. Humans want to understand. it's their nature. I feel your feelings are simply due to your inability to understand infinity... And that's okay.
Now let's imagine you got to Heaven and God said "Okay, Laura, get ready for the best 86 billion millennia of your life! after this, it's all over."
You'd understand that. You'd be pumped that you'd get to enjoy Heaven's greatness for so long...
but you'd be devastated at the end. I feel that once you see Heaven, you'll not want anything less than eternity. You just don't understand it yet.
So try to take comfort in the fact that God's wholly in control. Worry about this life and its imperfections rather than the life after which is perfect. worrying about something perfect is somewhat foolhardy. If thinking about eternity makes you easy, don't think about it. You'll never understand it, and that's okay. You know how great God is, and once you get there, you'll be ELATED that it's forever, and no less than that.
That's my take on it anyway. :)
Hey Wawa...
So I saw this and just wanted to leave a comment... I agree with the simple fact that once you get to Heaven, there is no way you are even going to remember the word eternity... You will be so caught up in it that maybe millenia later you might say, "Oh yeh this isn't going to end bc its eternity!" and youll dance for joy and love every century of it...
Now my only thought as to why it affects us this way... is because believing in eternity reminds us that there is an eternity for those who reject Jesus to spend in damnation and pain and torment... and the thought of eternity, even if it is unconsciously, makes us realize that there are many people we love that we don't know what their fate is... and it kills us on such a deep level to know that those people we love will be eternally separated, not only from us, but from Jesus.. I think that is why you feel the way you do about eternity... we all know a million people we are afraid of losing to Satan and his tricks.. the real thing to do here is to make sure you are shining as an example to those people and trying to show them the way to Christ, away from damnation... so now I will eat my own sermon and repent to Jesus for not practicing entirely what I preach... miss you, hope this all makes sense... ciao
Hhmm, i have considered this many a time. Honestly, i love it. It never freaked me out, i find an unnatural comfort in it actually.
You see, heres the thing. We were originally designed to live forever. Invincible, enternal, Perfectly pure, forvever. But we decided to embrace the bondage of time constraints when we fell from grace.
When we reach our final destination, we simply return to the beggining. JUST BETTER. Haha. But seriously, we return to what we were always supposed to be. And we are no longer bound by time. I am stoked! Time is one of my least favorite aspets of life. I cant wait to never have to experince it again. Haha.
Oh and off topic, i've got some sweet ideas about the christmas photo poems. When can we chat about that? Or should i just message you?
Peace and Blessings!
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