Dreams of Unwritten Things

I used to have dreams of unwritten things.

 

of destiny. of promise. of purpose. 

As they slowly withered away, I was unaware. I violently awoke to the realization that they were all gone. I was so blind to the fact that choosing to satisfy my flesh instead of my spirit could expunge them to the point of not remembering what they once were.

With visions of futurity erased, I float fixed in still water. How does one move forward in this stream of hopelessness? How does one really live without hope? I've come to find that you don't. You might go through the motions of life itself, but is that really living?

The realization of this all came about when my pastor started talking about how we're supposedly in a season of favor. He's said this over and over again, "In a time of favor, ask for favor, and the time of favor is now." So I searched my heart for dreams that had become absent, and asked what that really is all about.

I know that my God holds His plans for me in His hands. I know that those plans are to prosper me and not to harm me. I know that they are plans to give me hope and a future....

His plans....are to give me hope and a future. Do I need to know them in order to have hope? In order to have a future? When you're in a season of favor, and are supposed to ask for favor, how do you ask for something when you don't know what you want yourself? 

As I leave and let all things go, I've chosen to go after God this summer. Wholeheartedly. Not half, not a quarter, but with all of my heart. I don't believe that I've ever known what that truly looks like in my life, but I'm hoping to find that out. Hoping. And the only thing that I know to ask God for in this moment is the restoration of my dreams and to replace all the absence with hope. 

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.

Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;

I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;

Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;

Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;

Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:

Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,

Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,

High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,

May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Did you ever have a friend...

This was written on September 7, 2007:

Did you ever have a friend...one who you had in end of middle school/beginning of high school, who became your best friend. Who you felt comfortable with, and could laugh with, someone who you'd consider your "first love". Someone you trusted completely, and they trusted you completely, shared things with each other that best friends would. 

Someone who decided to move away, and you were worried for that person. That you only wanted that person to be healthy and happy whatever he decided to do, and that's why you worried about them. That in the few weeks you had left with them, you became very close, and then maybe regretted that because you knew he was moving away. But you became close anyway. And then you promised each other that you would stay in touch, that he would come back and visit, which did happen, but slowly started disappearing. 

No visits...no phone calls...no emails...no instant messaging...and then it gets to be so long, you realize none of the contact information you have is no longer a way of reaching that person. So you think about them, and pray for them, and wish that you could see them, even just to make sure they're ok. 

As time passes on, you don't think about them that much. Hardly at all actually. Until once in a while they pop into your head at unexpected times. Unexpected dreams. And then just recently, it happens again...and you can't stop thinking about them, and no one really knows anymore of where they are or what they are doing. 

And you start to miss him again...and you can't get him out of your head...you just can't stop thinking of what he might be doing, how he might be doing...
And then you think maybe he's completely different since he's grown up and is an adult now. Maybe you wouldn't even recognize him if you passed him on the street, but you just miss him and love him and want him to be ok, and you want the promise of knowing he's ok. 

So all you have left to do, is search myspace and facebook, and anything else you possibly can, while praying every time he pops into your head that God would keep him close and safe and maybe someday....bring him back home so the missing might stop for once. 

Why would this person I haven't seen in almost four years be on my heart this often and this strong. Why would I still think of him so much and that God wouldn't let our paths cross....at least not yet...

Would it be ok for you to grant that one desire, Jesus?

Almost one year later (August 22, 2008) God decided to grant that desire. And He's exceeded my expectations of what it would be like to have this friend back in my life again.