I was made for bigger things.

I am made with purpose and was made for bigger things.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

Jeremiah 1:5

He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.

Psalm 18:16

He redeemed us in order that the blessing given to Abraham might come to the Gentiles through Christ Jesus, so that by faith we might receive the promise of the Spirit.

-Galatians 3:14

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

-Jeremiah 29:11

Do not let your heart envy sinners, but always be zealous for the fear of the Lord. There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off.

-Proverbs 23:17-18

I am accepted in Christ.

Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.

-John 1:12

For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.

-Romans 8:14-16

I am secure in Christ.

Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

-2 Corinthians 1:21-22

Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

-Romans 8:39

I am significant in Christ.

I no longer call you servants, because servants do not know their master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit-fruit that will last-and so that whatever you ask in my name the father will give you.

-John 16:15-16

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. 

-2 Corinthians 5:17-20

Now if we are children, we are heirs–heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

-Romans 8:17

Jesus IS my Hero

For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Colossians 1:13-14

"Because they love me," says the Lord, "I will rescue them; I will protect them, for they acknowledge my name. They will call on me, and I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will deliver them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them and show them my salvation."

Psalm 91:14-16

And you know what? You were made with a purpose and called to bigger and better things. You are accepted, secure and significant in Christ. Know who you are in Christ. Let Jesus be the man who rescues you. You and I are not something to be trifled with. We are sons and daughters of the most high. We need to step up and take our places as he has called us to do and accept that even though we don't deserve it, he gave us the right to become children of God.

We are the redeemed

We are the ones who are free
And we belong to Jesus
We are now alive
And in this world we will shine
We belong to Jesus

Dreams of Unwritten Things

I used to have dreams of unwritten things.

 

of destiny. of promise. of purpose. 

As they slowly withered away, I was unaware. I violently awoke to the realization that they were all gone. I was so blind to the fact that choosing to satisfy my flesh instead of my spirit could expunge them to the point of not remembering what they once were.

With visions of futurity erased, I float fixed in still water. How does one move forward in this stream of hopelessness? How does one really live without hope? I've come to find that you don't. You might go through the motions of life itself, but is that really living?

The realization of this all came about when my pastor started talking about how we're supposedly in a season of favor. He's said this over and over again, "In a time of favor, ask for favor, and the time of favor is now." So I searched my heart for dreams that had become absent, and asked what that really is all about.

I know that my God holds His plans for me in His hands. I know that those plans are to prosper me and not to harm me. I know that they are plans to give me hope and a future....

His plans....are to give me hope and a future. Do I need to know them in order to have hope? In order to have a future? When you're in a season of favor, and are supposed to ask for favor, how do you ask for something when you don't know what you want yourself? 

As I leave and let all things go, I've chosen to go after God this summer. Wholeheartedly. Not half, not a quarter, but with all of my heart. I don't believe that I've ever known what that truly looks like in my life, but I'm hoping to find that out. Hoping. And the only thing that I know to ask God for in this moment is the restoration of my dreams and to replace all the absence with hope. 

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;

Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.

Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,

Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;

I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;

Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;

Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;

Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;

Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:

Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,

Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:

Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,

High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,

May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!

Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Two more weeks...

until I can come home and sleep in my own bed in my own room.

until I can lay about on the Westgates couch as the breeze flows in and out of the screen door while we watch our favorite movie.

until we can take random road trips, to all sorts of beaches with all kinds of people, and I can let the ocean take control of my body.

until my best friend and I can wait for the golden hour, and go about finding new places and random objects to capture in a new way with our other best friends, our cameras.

until my skin will start to turn the color that the winter never sees.

until I have more time to delve into all of the books I've been wanting to read, outside.

until I can wait for the summer nights where there's a thunderstorm, and be comforted as I fall asleep listening to the rain on my window.

until I can really look forward to the hot summer days that can only be cooled down by walking in the creek, eating ice cream, drinking milkshakes and smoothies, or even running in skirts out on my best friends front lawn, in her land lords sprinklers, hoping they won't catch us and think we're nuts.

until I can look forward to late nights, and savor all the sun that I possibly can.

until I am done with my first year at Kutztown. 

Oh, what a summer this will be.

.Coffee, Tea, and Breakfast Sandwiches.

He stands there, waiting behind glass doors only for her.
If only he'd let the resplendent sunrise behind him shatter that protective glass away.

He greets her with embracing arms, giving her the comfort she won't find elsewhere.
Sometimes a routinely familiar face will haste away her fears, for something that's daily has become desideratum.

In those quiet hours, as the sun starts to peak through, she sees the man he's meant to become.
Behind his tired crystal eyes protrudes the longing for something else, someone else.

She wishes his eye could catch a glimpse of what she sees when she looks at him...strong, bold, courageous, caring, loving, concerned, determined.
Yet the words she chooses are too simple for this wonderfully intricate person.

She'll continue this morning occasion, continue to hope that he'll see himself in a different light.
She'll continue to pray that he'll gaze through the eyes of One who loves him not for his actions, but for the simple reason that He chose him and decided to love him.

Grass, straw hats, and lemonade.

The winter chill has settled in her bones.
No drink or aliment will warm her.
Only thoughts of future sunny days...

She pictures herself in the hammock of their back yard.
The aroma of mid-May fresh cut grass drifts by their noses as they laze in the sun with their lemonade and iced tea.
If they're not careful, the cool breeze will blow their pages past their present reading.

She dreams about the Summer, the beach, the big straw hat she doesn't yet own.
The big beach blanket that will form her shape when she invites the sun to soak in.
And the water...the water that will cool the heat, the water that will toss and turn her till she's positively tired.

She imagines a warm September evening when the sky is painting its daily masterpiece.
Both in each others arms, while basking in their own favorite stories on their porch swing.
For it's the comfort, peace and accord she waits to feel when one can lay in another's arms and enjoy them. No talking, just reading.

She enjoys the summer in the winter.
She sees it better by closing her eyes.
She waits for it, for it's in that moment that she loves the summer.

The Well Known Chapter 4

Chapter 4 has made me inspired to write and to choreograph, both of which I haven't done in a while, and writing is something I don't feel I necessarily do well, I just like to write sometimes.

I picture a girl that comes up to his knees

She's in a white dress, holding a bouquet of silk flowers, wearing a white veil...waiting...

Wanting to be told she was beautiful and worth waiting for.

I picture a girl trying to capture his attention

She's in a red sequenced leotard that has the slightest tutu with ruffles and tulle, 

twirling and spinning, leaping and longing...

Longing to be told she was graceful and lovely.

I picture a girl who hides underneath the table.

She grips the chair in fear and stays still, afraid she'll be found...

The violent yelling and use of words doesn't make her want to be sought after...she wonders what her mother had done to deserve the harsh and frightening affliction.

I picture a girl who is in her teens, who starts to believe she wasn't worth his time. 

To her, he didn't think she was worth loving. Who could believe otherwise when those three words had never been uttered from his mouth?

She has given up after this last time of pleading for his presence at her performance and failing. He went out of his way to not be there.

I picture a young lady, trying to find herself though all the negativity shoved in her face.

The unrequited intimacy became so great that she was desperate for any kind of affection.

She was driven to whatever she could get, and eventually believed that degenerate, horrid men were all that she deserved and could possibly acquire.

I picture a young women who's just walked out of the eye of the storm. 

She's a bit tattered and bruised, but she's still alive, and surprisingly still holding on.

She learned that through this storm, she was forced into the hands of her Father and He drowned her in His love. 

She was finally able to see the clouds clearing, while the Son engulfed her. 

This women has learned that all things come to pass for a reason. That her hurt could somehow comfort and relate to someone else's. That the forceful storm might have tossed and turned her, but it released her into the arms of the One that could love her the best through it all.

This book (Captivating) tells us that fallen men seem to become one of two things; either driven and violent or silent and passive. My father was all of those things. He was present verbally and sometimes physically abusive when he felt he had to be, yet he was passive and absent in every other way; he fancied the company and characters that the tv offered him that his family obviously could not provide.

Even though I know that my true Father cherishes and treasures me, I can still see that little girl...the one who wanted to see her father as her knight in shinning armor, to know that he was strong and there for her to protect her always. The biggest heartbreak this girl has known was not the recurring story in her life of the boy she loved who chose the other girl over her. No, it was the one where her father never told her she was strong, beautiful, confident and loved.

I might seem that I have it all together.

Who does?

I know my Father loves me, I know my place in Him...yet I too, still ask those questions...

Am I lovely?

Am I captivating?

Will there be a man who one day, can see past my need to please everyone? To be perfect, to be pleasant and happy and funny all time. One who can see to the very core of my soul and not run away after seeing the damage that's been done to my heart? 

I still know One who continues to relish in me, through all of my faults. 

For now and forever, that will always be enough.